I have been married for thirty-two years this year.  Wait don’t turn the page I’m not boasting, it was a bit touch and go many times but after the first twenty five years I just knew that it was going to work out.

 

After having our perfect wedding day, you know everything is just right, the venue, the flowers the bridesmaids dresses, the brides dress and the crowning glory the cake – all perfect how shocking to discover that you new husband/wife is a little less that perfect. 

Out of both of our imperfections we want to now build a perfect relationship.

For me the early years of marriage involved a lot of eye opening, although we were in love and wanted to be together sometimes it’s hard to be together.  It doesn’t matter how much you have in common it is actually like two worlds colliding.

People talk about mixed marriages but for me every marriage is mixed especially if it involves a man and a woman.  We are coming from two totally different outlooks, angles etc sometimes we don’t even speak the same language.  But wait a moment I am supposed to be on the side of marriage (and I am).

Getting and staying married is my greatest achievement in life.  It has been a full time job, educating myself, coming to terms with differences and realising that my way wasn’t always the right way.

So after thirty-two years what can I share with you that might be helpful and useful.  Let me see!

 

  1. Accept yourself – don’t just go in to marriage to be the other half, enter as a whole person, possess yourself know who you are, your strengths and weaknesses and understand that you have something of value to offer.

  1. Accept your partner – love him/her.  Love is the only force that can really change us for good.  No-one functions well in a critical/unfavourable environment.  To change and grow we have to be in the right environment, love and acceptance.

     

  1. Be willing to let go of the past and get ready to embrace the future.  Do not be afraid of change.  Even if you went to bed and stayed there for a year you would still get older and change, so use change to your advantage, embrace it.

 

  1. Forgive and be gracious – It’s no good just loving your neighbour, love the people you live with!  We are all going to make mistakes and fail in certain things but be quick to give and receive forgiveness.   Don’t sit on your high horse but make it easy for your partner to ‘sign the fession’ and own up to their part in the problem.  Don’t bear grudges and once you have dealt with it don’t keep digging it up and throwing it back in their faces.
  2. Remember that you love each other.
  3. in a marriage spanning 25 years you will fall in and out of love on an average 13 times.  Don’t break up your relationship during one of these low times, keep working at your relationship it will be worth is in the end.  See love as a decision.  Decide to act in a loving way even when you don’t feel particularly loving.  Feelings always follow actions.

  1. Don’t just love each other, respect and like each other too, work on your friendship and make special times for each other.

 

  1. Remember to laugh together and have a lot of fun, everyday.  Marriage is not a destination but a journey, take the time to enjoy the trip.

  1. Make sure one of you is hands on with the finances, have a board meeting each month and decide where you want to go then set up your finances to take you their.  Get professional advice about savings and investments.

I hope that this will help you a little in making it to your first twenty-five years.

 

Wishing you all the best for your future.

 

Yvonne Elizabeth Brooks

Pre-marital Counsellor for over 30 years - Qualified Behaviour Analyst - Host of She Matters on Sky Channel 581

E-mail: info@yvonnebrooks.tvWeb: www.yvonnebrooks.tv